shadows of the apocalypse

2007-10-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

sick of me, already?

Dear Person,

What I would give to laugh with you again. No pretences, just careless smiles like in the photographs. Is what's lost really always lost for good?

I miss having easy conversations with you about anything and everything. You made me laugh and you understood my melancholy mind, but then you disappeared and I haven't found you since. No, I've found you, but never.. You. Please come back, or don't ever come back at all.

And until that glorious day comes, I'll be doing what I do best. But perhaps, it's time for a change. Yes, a change will be good. So goodbye, I'll come back here someday. Or maybe not.
But until then, I'll be around.

Love Me.

2007-10-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

' I got rachel wong hooked on antm!!!'

Okay firstly I'll like to apologise to Denise, Rach and Hx for not checking the opening times of the kayakking place! Sorry you guys, but we had fun um wasting time there right. Haha.

So this morning I got up at a ridiculous hour cos I was going to 1) get a tan 2) kayak but more importantly, to capsize the rest. But unfortunately, the place closed down! I was completely devastated and facing the three charcoal faces made it a whole lot worse.

Then, rach suggested going to csc to bowl. And not knowing how csc looks like, I thought it was going to be really glam cos like, it's a club? Haha. But we were denied entry cos the stupid security guard wouldn't let us in.

The day seemed pretty promising-less after that but we headed to pp and ended up playing in the arcade which was rather fun in a totally pointless, waste-of-money way.

Dinner was really last minute but it was good catching up with nic and vel. Poly seems so much fun, haha oh i had donuts again. So, I'm contented (:

I thought today was bad-turned-okay-turned-good day. -inserts big smiley face-

2007-09-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

what went wrong?

It is so easy to throw yourself into something and allow it to occupy every inch of your life, so much that you begin to forget what is truly important to you.

It is so easy to forget the friends that you once laughed with, and the things which once made you happy.

It is so easy to push things to the back of your mind, promising yourself you will get back to it but knowing, secretly, that you never will.

It is so easy to let go of something you thought you would love forever.

Sigh, fyes starts tomorrow.

All the best everyone.

this is the last time, i promise.

after this;

no more.

2007-09-12T00:20:00.000-07:00

i know you have secrets, same ones as me.

Haha, the greatest ah ma in the world

Thanks Kim, Rach and Hx! It was really sweet of you guys. And thanks for the note gloria! Your reply is super nice okay, you better appreciate it.

Psst, thanks for the ice cream mooncake 6:

Studying is just so happening now. Later!

2007-09-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

thank you for second chances (:

Today was my fifth time this week eating donuts!
And my second time watching Ratatouille!
And my 2917392781th date with lizziepooooooo.
♥

Haha, i think my abnormally high sugar level is taking its effect.

Ah, today was perfect. I want more days like this! (it felt like old times, with the who's what and did what and huh what?!!) Haha.

Last night was pretty cool too, my abs had way too much fun thanks to a certain self-declared PIG. Haha, okay no more bullying (: Hope you had an awesome 16th birthday!

Though I had to miss the entire showcase last night but I heard the kids, oh i mean wonderkids cough, did great. Can't wait to see the videos from Nic! -waves Wonderkids for the win banner- And please, no more donuts. Haha, especially yixin! Tsk.

School starts tmrw, bummer.
But, hsm 2 later on! (:

2007-09-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Forever means nothing.

Life is so shit, it seems like people plan their life so that it interferes with yours and their objective is just to see you screw over, over and over again. It's sometimes too much of a coincidence to make you think otherwise. The worst part is, you don't even know what you did wrong, what started this invisible war.

Okay, i should just concentrate on studying and the showcase this sat.

2007-09-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

it's better when i bleed for you

It rained today and spoilt my plans for the afternoon. >:(

You wait for the soft tapping of raindrops, the perfect beat. Not everything can be rushed into, these things take time, you know? Everyone around you becomes a meaningless husk of breathing matter- They serve you no purpose. When the moment is right, a surge of energy gushes through your entire body, and honestly I don't know where it comes from, or why. But it hits you, hard. Perhaps it is our own sheer determination that gives us such drive. Harder, faster, sometimes it feels like you could fly if you just put in a little bit more effort. You go so out of control until your tears bleed out of your pores and the scenery blurs into a resplendent mirage of monochrome black and white, black and white, as if it will never end.

Illusion makes reality seem worthwhile, sometimes.

On a side note,
claire is such a goofball :]

2007-09-02T00:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE DARLING (:

You've been there for me since the start, and even though we've had a couple of rocky patches, I just wanted you to know that I love you, more than you'll ever know. I still remember all those times where we'll just laugh at each other's stupidity. Haha, we still do actually.

All our emoness, gay moments, secrets, favourite songs, IQ-decreasing movies, letters, marche dates, msges with the capital HAHAs and a gazillion smileys, shopping, sundays, camwhoring- Argh, I could go on all day.

I love you other half, and always, always will.

2007-08-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Ratatouille is the bomb! Three thumbs up (that's how good it is)
I haven't enjoyed an animated film this much since Monsters Inc.

So, teacher's day.
Ultimately, it's not about how well we danced or about the number of people who actually liked our performance. It starts from day one, from working on the choreography to making sure we were all coordinated. We really bonded as a whole group and broke the stupid senior-junior barrier ( broken telephone helped alot, haha) I've gotten to know people who I didn't even know existed and it's a pretty good feeling when you know you've made another friend. So, thank you dancers! I love you all.

Take time today to show how much you appreciate someone,
to those you took for granted
to those you didn't care for enough
to those you love

Before it's too late.

With that, i'd like to declare
I LOVE DENISE, RACHEL WONG, GNAT, NOELLE, LIZ & GRACE
for chasing away the emolets today (:

Note to self: I will master pressing on today at jam-x and last through the entire song.

2007-08-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

words couldn't mean anything less.

too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone,
too often we're too stubborn to say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong."
too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

2007-08-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

ZANY PARADE '07

My day started off with 6 donuts.

:o)3/3 (:
CHER!
Shaaaaaaran!Gina is really adorable

Steph, cher, bel (:
Denise & Daph!

Ha
Ha
Ha

What a lovely picture.
SPIDEY EMO #2
Steph! and Ah ah ah..fiyah (;

Hitler yozzz.
Syikin!
Denise and G!
SPIDEY EMO TRIO. woaaaaah, scary.
Dancers (:

SPIDEY EMO #1 (she didn't even have to pose)

:D
G, Cheryl, Cher, Denise!

Before it rainedGrey skies

Ruby, Denise & G (:

It was fun, though I was a bit disappointed. Not because of not winning the zany parade but, ah it doesn't matter.

All you wanted to do was paralyze her with a love so strong, she wouldn't know what hit her. You fell into a black hole which sucked all the happiness from you, but still you stayed- Why? Love's like that sometimes. I guess all you wanted was to be the person whom she loved even if it meant sacrifices, but it never struck you (not even for a second) until now, that maybe you just weren't what she was looking for.

It's funny, the people you care for the most aren't even the least appreciative.

2007-08-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

with the end surely near,

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don’t wanna ever love another

You're such a retard

and a ballet freak
who stares purposely at the floor when you dance
and a loser
and childish
but

You're a jewel, no matter how everyone thinks. Just like a diamond, you're rare and precious. Remember that. Thank you for putting all the bling bling in my life (:

Omg so damn cheesy.

I LOVE YOU PRETTY (now now, don't get all ballooned up)
THANKS FOR ALWAYS PUTTING A (: ON MY FACE.

2007-08-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

in the arms of an angel.

Thanks for calling manda, and for being my listening ear
even though you're 9012738 miles away.
I love you very much (:

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

2007-08-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

oh, what a day
what a day to walk away
to choose to savor, not to taste
and leave the fight for morning light

Fireworks are just so pretty (: Had a great time with denise, cher and rw today. We should do this again next year!

And denise, here are the peektures for national/carnival day. ( I know you're dying for them)

aWwWwWw.

shows you THE look

(:

Haha, tards.

I love oli.

marissa, nice crashing!

Mrs KongSteph!

Today didn't start off very well, partly because I kept thinking about last year. And how I'm screwing up this year too.

Lies lies lies- That’s all we’re good for now.

We can’t even tell the truth about how we really feel.

Oh, disaster. I’m tired of worrying, and caring, and thinking. I wish I could just shut down, like a computer. Fancy that. Who cares about anyone else, anyway?

We’re no better than vicious animals, ready to tear each other up at the first chance we get. I used to think very differently. But why bother when in the end, the outcome will always be the same.

I think I'm just tired, goodnight.

2007-08-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

as your lies crumble down,

Somewhere inside of me, a slow, mechanical ticking is reminding me that I've made a mistake. I'm too proud to let such a thing affect me, but perhaps it's because
I've been numbed to such a point where it cannot even begin to break the imaginary boundaries I've set.
I'm not even sorry —
It's sad to think something so amazing could have such an abrupt conclusion.

I've about four drafts, none of them good enough to post here. It's scary to know who reads your blog, especially people you don't even know.

We were playing around with Nick's super cool ibook camera today during PS rehearsal. It was great fun. After that, he tried to attack me with his impossibly emo music, and he was really gay when he went all depressed and lovestruck over 'teardrops on my guitar'. Hmm, I think the worst part of my day was when I managed to screw up my geog paper which was pretty easy actually.

Four papers down, two more to go.

Where's that spark in your eyes that I used to see?

2007-07-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

over my head; better off dead

Kayakking wouldn't be as much fun without you guys (:

School's getting increasingly boring.
I can't wait for friday and this weekend!

False hope is the oxygen your strangled soul craves,
nevermind that you know no good will come of it.

We were made to fall, not to have it all.

Those days where you spend hours waiting for a reply, and it just never comes.
Why do we let ourselves become so vunerable
if we are only going to get hurt in the end?

2007-07-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

forever doesn't last.

To tell the truth, I don't know what was sadder-
Realizing it for the first time,
or realizing that because of my selfishness and jealousy,
I let it happen.

We always want what we can't have.
And when we can't have it,
No one can.

I'm sorry about the rumours.

2007-07-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

give up cupid, i've had enough of heartaches

Today was rather slack, i love fridays.

Sometimes you think you know somebody.
Then one day, you find out things which make you wonder
why you ever thought you knew them in the first place.

You might not only feel disappointment, because that's what everyone assumes you're supposed to feel.
In fact, you might be shocked, or amazed, or thankful.

But it's usually disappointment.

♥

I feel very incomplete, all of a sudden, and I'm not sure why

I love drums.

Calm before a storm, it feels vaguely familiar

I like because of you by ne yo.

What was part of a fabular whole

2007-07-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

The Spotlight's On Youth fashion show (:

Emcee kevin with lawyer grace!

'Pastor' adriel
Joanne the ex tkgian! (:
The whole gang :D

Lawyer, Nurse, Tkgian, Soldier, Emcee and Dancer

Banker jasper and Teacher abbylicious
SELENE, ex tkgian! it was really good seeing you after 29732 months. Hope studying in melb wasn't that hard (:

Nurse beckie!

Please send me all the other pictures, thanks (:

I just remembered something cute from yesterday.
-While interviewing edlyn-

Emcee: Is it true that Tkgs girls date Vs guys?
Ed: Haha nope. Tkgs girls date Tkgs girls -grins-

Live like today's your last.
You never know when the next disappearing act..

would involve you.

Love like never before (:

2007-07-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

exhale, another wasted breath

Do you ever feel like your wings have been ripped off?
Sometimes, it feels like people do it just to watch you bleed.

Not all pain is physical.

Today started off great, i guess some of the 'greatlets' got rubbed off or got lost somewhere during the day.

Also, this blog needs some meaning injected into it.
On second thoughts, maybe I need a life.

2007-06-30T00:32:00.000-07:00

and if i ever got another chance, i'd still ask her to dance

When change hits you straight in the face, what do you do?
Accept it and move on, pretending that nothing ever happened?
Or confront it, for better or for worse.

We’re only onto the first week of school,
but many things are different from when I last remember.
I always thought it would be okay;
that no matter what, we’d manage to find a reason to pick ourselves up and move on.
I’m not sure why, but these days it’s becoming increasingly harder. Perhaps this is a sign of growing up, and to remind us that life is capable of surprises, whether you want them or not. After all, since when was it up to us?

Love can’t save you, even if it seemed like it.

'it's definitely the weather'

2007-06-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

if i had wings, i would fly.

School's been really cool, with awesome friends like mine. It's the only thing that's keeping me from smashing my alarm clock in the morning.

Simply because, they make me look forward to school (:

On a side note..

There are so many people who I suddenly don't talk to or feel really awkward having conversations with, for fear or for pride I'm not sure.
I wish I could turn back time, just for a while, maybe just to fix certain things. I can think of many stupid mistakes and decisions I've commited these past few weeks.

Maybe a holiday wasn't what we needed.
'Cos all we basically wanted to do was run away.
And we did. Look where has that left us?
I think this is just me being petty and not being able to accept change.
But I was never any good at that, anyway.

when you love someone and it goes to waste;

2007-06-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

all hail the heartbreaker

I can't, couldn't,
I just really can't believe that happened

After all these months, does it even mean anything to you?

I guess not.

Shoot me for even believing in that microscopic hope that things will get better.
Cos it'll definitely not.

I honestly did love you with my whole damn heart.
It wasn't enough

But it doesn't matter, well it didn't matter anyway.

I hope she'll be able to give you what I'll never be able to give.
Take care, goodbye

I guess sometimes, we all need somebody.
It doesn't matter who the person is or if we're good friends; sometimes all we need is to know that somebody out there thinks of you, cares for you, worries for you,

and maybe even loves you.

2007-06-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

MANDA'S BACK!!!
:D

Prata night was a failure. Nobody was in the mood for prata or curry. So, we went to the airport! I'm so proud of our airport, it's so nice and clean.
I like the emo viewing gallery.You kind of just sit there, watch everyone fly off while you rot and talk about life.

I had a great time today with the two crappiest people ever. Haha, we shall have our next mooncake stars and wasabi cheese donuts date soon. And liz, please send me the pics!

My camera's really screwed up, i miss taking pictures >:(

But I shall listen to Ms Pretty Denise and smile.
Happylets (x999999999)

And cheer up dearie, like you said,
'We're all in this together'

2007-06-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

churning through sick lullabies;

I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay, and mean it for the first time in a long time. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and tell you stupid stories, just to help pass the time. I wish I hadn't been so right about you,
because this complete lack of surprise is beginning to get overrated.

Then again, maybe I shouldn't have automatically ignored those alarm bells ringing in my head (they were right for once).
I wish you were smarter about who you gave your heart to, and if you're happy with being together like you said then why are you so sad all the time?
I wish I didn't care so much, or maybe I wish I cared more.
I wish you'd remember I existed.

I wish I could figure you out.

It's just one more day to school.

2007-06-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see;

Countdown to Christmas: 6 months and 5 days!

Since the June holidays are almost over,
I've made up my mind to fly to Korea this December.
Then I'll just sit around and listen to everyone talk.
Their accent's so adorable. :D

Yesterday was tuesday= chewsday= 1/2 priced waffles at gelare day.
Nat's a not very good person to eat with cos her antics make you laugh really hard and choke on your food.
Still, I love nat :]

I did cip today with nat, I feel extremely good now.
Cos I gave up 4 hours of my slack-and-bum-around time to look for missing titles at the library for their records.
- inserts Yan For The Win! banner-

And studying with Ryn turned out pretty productive.
I sorta get mole concept and the 3D stuff now.
And I studied bio too, wow i'm turning into a study freak.
Study freak= Mug everyday = Study freak + Mug everyday results
Yan FTW!

Practice later, going to sakae now to meet my pigs. (you know, like babes?)
Hahaha, stay cool y'all.

2007-06-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

happiness is only a teardrop away;

Today was a prrrrretty boring day

Cos i was stuck at home the whole morning and afternoon.

The only thing that made me laugh was Family Guy
But still, happylets happylets (:

Can't wait to see you you you tmrw!

Ikea meatballs are really nice.

I ain't got no Visa
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter cos
I'm the one that loves you best

2007-06-17T00:55:00.000-07:00

purple dragons and square hearts,
crooked smiles and deep cuts.

Last week was pretty fun (:
Escape, planetshakers, master classes, studiowu, jamming sessions with the kids.

Anyway, I've got a quite a number of people to thank.
I know it's really late but this is for a few special people.

Gnat *bwestie- Thanks for hearing me out that night (or rather, early morning) when I was completely distaught. Sorry if I went hysterical during some parts of the conversation. Still, you listened without complaining at all which I'm awfully grateful for. Then you called the next day just to make sure I was alright. Thank you so much dear, you're one of the really few people who I can really count on. You've been always there for me since Sec 1. That's like two years, 5 months, 17 days and we're still going strong (: I love you so damn much, seriously. Can't wait to do cip with you and our projects! -cough cough- Hahaha.

Ryn- What can I say? I know we joke around alot and we tease each other like crazy. But all the wacky times aside, thank you for all those times you reassured me that 'we were all in this together'. Even though there's quite a large age gap between us, it never stopped us from what we've become today! Thank you for all those nights when we just laughed at the craziest things in the world and those nights when we had our serious heart-to-heart talks. And, prata nights are the bomb! Suffice to say, you're probably the best friend one could ever ask for. Oh, the last post was rather sweet, thanks!

Grace *sqoh- You're the sweetest girl I've ever known. Thanks for making that wolfberries+ginger+somethingelse tea when my voice was all hoarse and my throat hurt like crazy. And for being like a sister to me (: Thank you for accepting me and loving me for who I am, despite seeing my not-very-nice side. Camps, stayovers, retreats, outings, shopping trips, potc3, escape, movie dates, dance practices, cg time.. See, you're in such a big part of my life! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LAH.

Liz- Firstly, I'm really sorry for not being able to meet up with you lately. I've got so much to tell you lizzzzie. Man, i missed calling you that. At least I'll be able to talk to you on the phone later, yay! You're the best, really. You know me inside out and thank you for being such a great bestie. I hope you still keep all those friendship thingys we gave to each other since young. I still keep all the cards you made and they still make me smile. -Inserts bigass smiley face!-

Cher- Thanks for listening to me yesterday and for all the other times I was being my oversensitive self. I'm really amazed by how you can knock sense into this thick stubborn head of mine and just go wham, right to the point. I miss you so much, I miss having high msn conversations with you, I miss crapping with you, I miss hearing you sing your latest song addiction, I miss seeing you dance. Ah, i love you and i'll always be here for you okay (: I'm glad that you look so happy on your blog, i miss your smile! Haha.

I miss Denise, Tessa, Rachel, Ah hui, Sha and Par.
I hope you guys are having fun wherever you are!
Love y'all alot (:

To Kevin, Amos, Caleb, Beckie, Daniel lam and Grace, thanks for that day at escape! Haha, i'll never forget how 'scary' the haunted house was. And how Caleb para para-ed at the arcade!

Thanks Abby, Kevin, Grace, Dlam, Beckie for the awesome time at planetshakers. Though we almost went deaf, the atmosphere was really cool. It was even better with you guys around!

JS with Vel, Ryn, Liz, Nick and Markus are superb! I've learnt alot from you guys, thank you for guiding me all these years since end of sec 1. Haha and the kids love you, Nick!

Lastly but definitely not the least..

Dearest Nat,

For being you. I could never ever ask for anything more then what we already have, I just wish sometimes I could make you happy. But it seems like the hardest thing to do sometimes. But I won't give up trying, cos to see that smile on your face makes me forget about everything else but how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you, more than I can ever show or prove it. I really hope things get better <3

then i'll give up everything;

2007-06-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

&&amp;&&; sweeter than krispy kremes
that's what you are (= <3>

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one i see

V is very very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore

I LOVE YOU YAN!
you put the = to the )

don't kill me when you see this >.<

2007-06-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

It doesn't stop, does it?
It just goes on and on and on,
Where did all the good go?

It's so hard to please anyone these days, everyone gets annoyed over trivial matters so easily.

Maybe, just maybe.

It's time to let go.
Lights camera action,

For one last show
One last glance

One last dance.

2007-06-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

the same old story of love and glory;

I thought that if i drank enough,
And it was dark enough,
With the music loud enough,
Perhaps i'd find someone
who'd resemble you enough

Master's class was crazy. Jojo Mayer, Tony Royster Jr, Nate Morton, Derek Roddy, Jimmy Lee, Thomas Lang and all the big shots in the drumworld were all there. And thomas's coming back in august, snaps snaps to that :) I wish they didn't have to confiscate the cameras! Oh well-os.

THANKS VEL FOR THE PASS :D I hope there'll be a guitarfest for you!

Haha i'm talking to denise on msn. Ah, i miss that dance freak. Fly back from Sweden now now now.

just dance(: says:
saw a nude man in barcelona!

just dance(: says:
eww man

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
EW

just dance(: says:
he was just walking down e street naked

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
yuck. but i bet you enjoyed it RIGHT

Planetshakers tmrw!

2007-06-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

lonely versus alone.

Remember this picture? How we got up at 5 to watch the sun rise? How difficult it was to wake me up every morning?

Godpah's house, words fail me. (:

Working on the ppt, an excuse to hang out at Godpah's house.

On the ship itself.

like lipstick traces on pillow cases
some things in life are unforgettable
like love, loss, lies, and lust
some things in life are undeniable

I miss last year ):

Oh well-os, manda's coming back in two weeks time! Can't wait to see her and hug her and tell her how much i missed her!

amandaaaaaa: YAN> my dearest WOOYANYAN! mummy's coming home(: i cant wait to see you beam! cant wait to get a great big hug! no worries no worries! for that one second, all your trubbles will fade my dear! IM COMIN

Yay fay gay day.

My last post was emo momo, not good.

Happy days are the bombzzzz [:

Godiva dark choc raspberry bars keep me happy,

it makes the body fats extra jiggly and wobbly too.

Oh, welcome back Kevin and the rest of the cosi people! Hope you guys had a great time over there (:

Thursday. Results. Dread.

2007-05-31T03:51:00.000-07:00

it's killing my make believe heart.

Caught Shrek3 with ryn, vel, liz and my sis! Thanks vel for the tickets. Haha, i need to start paying for my own movie tickets.

Anyway, today was pretty darn awesome. I got treated at outback cos i won all of them at the bowling place! Yan for the win :]

Haha dinner was fun, oh ryn ordered the new lifehouse album 'who we are' online! I can't wait to listen to their songs, especially after listening to 'first time'.

Orchard's getting really boring, i'll cry if i have to go there again anytime this week.

Plus i lost 50 bucks at tessa's house, pffft wtvr.

"All i want to do is find a way back into looooove"
"Yan, stop singing You Raise Me Up"
"What the hell, that was Way Back Into Love"
"Oh, sounded like You Raise Me Up"

-.-

2007-05-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

"it happens gradually, and before you know it, you're afraid to live"

Movie Marathon #2 was okay, though i fell asleep in the middle of potc 2. It's loads better than potc 3! Oh, Kevin says there might be a forth instalment. I'm not setting any expectations on this one, so I won't get disappointed again.

We all zonked out at 4am, only to be awaken by a very persistent Leslie at 5.30 and at 6. Apparently, he was worried that our macs meal would get cold. So, we reluctantly went to the fellowship deck.

And, there wasn't any butter for my hotcakes meal >:( My apologies to Grace, Claire, Leslie and all the unfortunate victims of my super cranky mood.

Lesson learnt: Never ever attempt to wake me up, or risk facing the Cranken.

Met Kevin after FL to finish up the Cosi mission trip dance item. It's amazing to see how God works through different people in various areas and how He uses them to reach out to others that speaks in a completely alien language. Have a very blessed trip, I'll miss you (: Oh, all the best for your chi Os tmrw!

A very talented grace on the keyboard (:<3

2007-05-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

never say yes when you mean no;

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, suppose to be
But we lost it
-'my happy ending'

Min used to love this song, she'll play it over and over again. Gosh, I miss her so much. I hope she's doing great over in Melbourne.

So walk away and don't look back,
Carry on with no regrets.

It's what you do best.

2007-05-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

charmed, but the weather broke me sober (i've never been colder)

Had lunch with lin then waffles at gelare. At the rate I'm eating, not gaining 10 kg at the end of june is impossible.

When I'm older, I'll invent a tubey thing. I'll name it "suck-o-fats". You can just shove it at your desired area (thighs, arms, calves, butt, stomach etc) and it'll suck up all your fats.
JUST. LIKE. THAT.
Sadly, until the time I invent such a machine,
I'm stuck with good ol' exercising and wallowing in self pity.

*Btw, congrats to Ms Tkg Dance President, G NAT WITH THE SEXY BUTT! <3

Three movie marathons, one after another. Oh boy.
Movie Marathon #1 at Vel's last night! The island rocked.
Movie Marathon #2 at ROL tonight (: Potc 2, here i come!
Movie Marathon #3 cum BBQ at Tess's tomorrow! Italian job's the bezt.

Ah, eyebags alert! I need to start brainstorming for my next zap-the-eyebags invention.

Peace out.

Seen a vision of perfect grace - airbrushed and lifeless
All contempt and aftertaste, as if im waiting for the scars to heal

2007-05-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

give me that sunday school answer;

Potc 3 was such a disappointment! Oh well, i still think depp rocked. Thanks grace for the tickets, i owe you one!

So last night's marathon was a failure, i couldn't tahan after blood diamond and the island. Nevertheless, it was great hanging out with ryn, liz and vel again! Haha and no, i'm not sorry for splashing cold water on you guys. Revenge is sweet (;

Last day of term2 was yesterday, can't believe it ended so quickly.
It's quite scary seeing things end so fast.

Some of my sister's "I need a holiday! Take me awwwwayyyyy!" thing has rubbed off on me.
I feel like flying off to Maldives now. There are only two things stopping me.
1) I've got no cash to support this insane plan
2) I don't wanna go all alone!!!

So with that, i guess i'm stuck here -inserts a huge sad smileyface-

2007-05-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

don't ever stop shining;

MY GRANDFATHER SURVIVED THE OP (:

THANK YOU DENISE & TESSA FOR PRAYING, IT REALLY DID WORK!

AND THANK YOU SUPER SOTONG, FOR BEING THERE FOR ME AND CROSSING YOUR FINGERS!

THANK YOU RYN FOR PRAYING TOO!

Thanks so much, i love each and every single one of you (:

Truly, I have the most fantastic friends in the world!

With you guys, life's been such an adventure. And the more I think about it, the happier I become that I have friends like you all. Through everything, we'll have each others' backs. This isn't like the usual friendship which crumbles after about a year, and then becomes something you would rather not look back on. This, this will last us forever. I promise.

Haha and I'm really stupid to fall for the prank cos Lenny didn't even come to school today! -.-

hi sayang (:

2007-05-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

and in this crazy life
and through this crazy times
its you, its you
you make me sing
you're every line, you're every word.
you're everything (:

I
.
.
.
.

MISS

.
.
.
.
YOU

...
I MISS YOU SO.

2007-05-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

my choice of cathartic release is frankly none of your business.

It's not like you to say sorry,

I was waiting on a different story.

This time I'm mistaken,

For handing you a heart worth breaking.

You would never ask me why

My heart is so disguised

I would rather hurt myself

Than to ever make you cry

There's nothing left to say but, goodbye

There are few better feelings than the one you get when you think that you don't mean anything to a person, only to have that person surprise you by showing you that you mean the world.

I've learnt that in life, 'you gain some, you lose some.'

And it's always the best ones that go.

2007-05-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

ghost of your shadow.

Results. What's there left to say? We'll work hard hard hard for term 3 okay.

Frankly speaking, I've been feeling detached from myself. Two halves of a whole. Two personalities residing in a hollow shell.

Is that even remotely possible?

The mirror reflected my image from head to toe, without warping, almost pristinely. I stood there and looked at myself. Nothing new. I was me, with my usual nothing-special expression. My image was unnecessarily sharp, however. I wasn't seeing my mirror-flat mirror-image, it wasn't myself I was seeing.
On the contrary, it was as if I were the reflection of the mirror and this flat-me-of-an-image was seeing the real me...

Crash.
Broken pieces, shattered glass.

Then what?

I freaking suck at ballet. My results are horrendous. My parents hate me. I drove a friend away. Tell me my life rocks.

I think I finally got hit by the emobug.

2007-05-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

drip drop splatter, the curtain closes,

your lips of silence betray

your fears.

but instead i will sit,

with my head on my heart,

and watch as you struggle

to swallow your tears.

2007-05-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

confusing stars with satellites;

there's a battery in the bath and the animals are listening
the radio is out, but the newspaper is whispering
put a trunk in the shelter and title it well
and no matter who begs you, don't ever tell

I almost died during jam x today. They had to play the fastest songs in the world! I need to master Relient K songs. 'Pressing on' was like ??!!! Haha, the crashing was crazy gosh. But it felt damn good after playing it, like a highwhoooooosh feeling. My face was so red, i need to build up on my stamina again. Though it was challenging, today's session was freaking fantastic. Everyone was smoking hot, especially ryn who rocked base. For that, i decided to post that picture with the guitar in it (; Ah, it feels like the old times.

Fm static is flirting with my ears.

I can't please the whole world.
Forget, walk away and move on.
Isn't that what we all try to do but end up failing miserably?

Get well soon, Hilarious Ho!
Everyone please beware of the deadly emobug, it's highly contagious.

2007-05-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

Hui Xin= Hilarious
Haha hey that could be her english name, Hilarious Ho Hui Xin. :D

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
hey have you taken vitamins a-z yet?

oblivious; says:
no la. what are they anyway? there's no vitamin z

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
there is, there is right?

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
i think there is

oblivious; says:
While Vitamin Z techinically does not exist, zinc is sometimes lovingly called Vitamin Z.

oblivious; says:
there.

oblivious; says:
there is no vitamin z

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
whoaaaaaaaaaa you sound very the pro leh

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
did you like search it from the web?!

oblivious; says:
yeah la!

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
hahaha wth

oblivious; says:
i copied and pasted from google

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
hahahaha

2007-05-11T03:06:00.000-07:00

Love is the child of an endless war

Love is an open wound still raw

Love is a shameless banner unfurled

Love is an explosion,

A tide of destruction

Love is an angry scar

A violation, a mutilation, capitulation,

Love is annihilation, annihilation.

It's funny how one person can make your whole world so amazingly complete, then just pull it all out from under you when everything seems fine. Almost effortlessly, they can make everything come crashing down. How could anyone have such power? I suppose in a way, it's our own fault. Then again, who can blame us for being so blind when it comes to love?

and so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows.

2007-05-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Today was fantastic. (:

The music video of 'everything' was playing (:

missing in action : rachel
Hahaha, i have no idea what we were doing with our hands. ?! And yes, i know i look like a bee. Haha.

:D

ruby, chanel, cher, me, denise (:

ruby, chanel, cher, tessa, denise <3

Haha, with the macs delivery guy! He's really funny.

ruby, chanel, tessa and me! Haha yeah we love jump shots, if you haven't noticed already.

Haha TESSA, WE FOUND YOUR SECRET! YOU READ BARBIE MAGAZINES!! HAHAHAHA :D

Tessa's dad two failed attempts to picture us jumping. Haha, i think everything today was hilarious!

PAK KUEY TOMORROW AH, set. Haha, okay this is one very very very gay post. (:

look who's here :D

2007-05-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

if i could, i'd blow the sun out

and bury you deep within my bed

i'd give you my lungs to breathe as i do

as if you're in love, as if its the end.

and we're never waking up.

i let my arms move as they wish

they fall into place, so jealously

and we're never waking up.

im falling slowly into the dreams we left behind

forever asleep for good

and we're never waking up.

hello, my name is Tinsel Tom :D

i'd like to know what makes you cry

so i can be the one who'll always make you smile (:

love you always dearie!

2007-05-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

every rose has it's thorns;

I'm gonna write you a sonnet, but I don't know where to start.
I'm so used to laughing at the things in my heart.
Last of all, I'm sorry, 'cos you never asked for this.
I can see I'm not your type and my shots will always miss.

I woke up at 4.15 am to some crazy ass calling to queue with her at donut factory later today. Couldn't sleep after that and headed down to church. I almost forgot how much fun the churchies were and how much I missed grace, who's looking mighty fine with her new haircut ooh.

We laughed at all the silly incidents at sonicfest last year, she even recorded it in her book. Ah, sonicfest 06 was seriously the bomb. I hope they have another conference this year!

There was this really hard math problem (it's only worth 2 marks) that baffled everyone who i asked for help. Haha, grace-lookalike helped me solve it using a method i haven't learnt so i asked kevin who just stared at the question. And mark managed to solve it using that same alien method. Man, i'm just going to skip it if a similar one comes out tomorrow.

Oh, guonian saved me a whole afternoon's agony of finding out the solution of a problem, haha and the only reason i couldn't solve was due to my carelessness! argh.

Met ryn after service at raffles city who was dying to eat her donuts so we went all the way back of the line and queued up. The line didn't move at all in the 20 mins that we queued up for. Haha yeah, we gave up after 20 mins cos it was seriously too time consuming. She sulked the whole way to her house tsk, but was still nice enough to help me with my math. We talked a bit and i realised how screwed i make things turn out to be when they can be easily solved with a positive attitude. So thanks ryn, thanks for everything today. We'll get the donuts next time okay, promise (:

'I love math. Math rocks. I can do this!' -ryn with hilarious hand expressions on asking her how she manages to solve almost every math problem.

Hahaha.

Does everyone stare the way I do?
I only stare this way at you.

2007-05-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

the sombre chords of our song, the fading

Two more papers to go and then it's time to lose it alllllllll -cue for song to start playing-

Do you, do you want to learn to fly
Then you should pack it up and say goodbye

Haha, that song is the current earworm. Thanks to chernise ong ;)

I pretty much screwed up lit which was rather astounding, considering how much i actually like the subject. Chem was fine, cramming everything at 4am turned out productive. I appreciate my alarm clock alot more now. I'm going to start taking really good care of it and stop throwing it around in an attempt to smash it in the mornings :]

So, I wasn't exactly in my best of moods after both papers ended. I didn't realise it was affecting me that badly but anyway, everyone was being really sweet. Thanks y'all, it did make me cheer up a hell lot. I seriously won't know what to do without you guys. Love to tres amigos!

We hung around pp for a while, waiting for the sakae student buffet to start. We had this failed attempt of hide and seek, haha it ended up with chanel emptying her sour cream and onion pretzel leftover contents all over her face. Hahaha, it was hilarious.

Oh, i developed photos! Haha i haven't developed any since the digital camera came out. I'm going to make a collage to put on the wall beside my bed, when i actually start doing something and not just say i will, that is.

MIN'S MUM IS IN SINGAPORE. Haha, at first I heard it as MIN's back in sg. Oh well.

Anyway, the much anticipated 3pm finally came and me, denise, tessa, rach, chanel and ruby went to sakae. Then cher, hx, gnat and noelle joined us. Haha we were like some green grass gang bombarding sakae, nevertheless the company was awwwwesome. We taught chanel the squashing rice technique and we weren't charged for food wastage cos we hid the rice really -ahem- well! Heh heh. Met jodine (looking hot as ever haha) which brought back nostalgic memories of sec 1 days..

Later we headed to crestar where noelle and g were there choreographing for teacher's day. So kiiiiiiaaaaassssuuuu right, rach tried to do contempt! Ha ha.

I wish I could prolong the seemingly short hours of today. Good times, si? <3

2007-04-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

Back to the same place, I think we're all getting too used to this 'take or be taken from' reality. We are beginning to see the world from each others' perspectives.. Nobody said that was a good thing.

We let ourselves get so dragged down by things which shouldn't even matter. Before we know it, we create our own mess and screw everything up. What then? "Don’t worry", everyone says. "Worry gets you nowhere". Well, what does? We're all so preoccupied with putting on some kind of happy-go-lucky, perfect facade. Everyone wants everyone else to know that they are doing just fine. Well, what if they weren't?

Honestly, I don't know what sparked this train of thought. Maybe it was seeing too many fake smiles and even faker remarks. I'm becoming too fluffy on this blog. Who am I kidding, I will never be good enough for her. For the better or for worse, who knows? Maybe she'll always be one step ahead of me. Maybe that's just how it's meant to be.

And for the record, I'm not emotional. I prefer the term sentimental, though i'd rather not be labelled at all. In this contradicting 'omg why is everyone judging me, hey did you know - is such a bitch' world, nobody cares about anyone else except themselves.

I should just concentrate on studying.

2007-04-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

tell me not to lie, tell me not wait.

Basically, the last few days have been pure emo shit. But whatever, make the best out of today cos you'll never know when it's going to be your last right? That didn't convince me, somehow.

Don't you hate it how things screw up so suddenly and leaves you zero time to process everything? But that's not so bad, the worst is when you don't even know the reason for it.

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I miss manda. I miss min.
I miss drama. I miss jamming.
I miss ryn. I miss liz.
I miss doulos. I miss sqoh.
I miss 2006.

Thank goodness I still have something to look forward to every morning, but it scares me to know that all good things must come to an end.

syf, oh wow i can't wait.
to get over it.

2007-04-08T02:24:00.000-07:00

her eyes were cold, her soul was sold, the fire's gone

how could you?
one after another, what's the point of holding onto anything now.

i'm sorry.

no. more. tears. left.

2007-04-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

we ride;

tessa's house is gorgeous.

and so was the cake we baked :)

Don't look back with regret or remorse, or sorrow, even. Be happy it happened, because some people don't get that kind of break in life. However long it lasted (or however short, it depends), it doesn't matter, because when we're old and unhappy time won't matter to us. You used to mean the world to me, and sometimes I still don't understand what changed. I guess I won't ever actually know, but let's not make this personal here. We get so many chances in life, but most of the time we overlook them and let them slip quietly away.

damn regret, i'll try to forget.

sweet beginnings and bitter endings;

2007-04-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

2007-03-30T06:19:00.000-07:00

are you ready to rock this place yo?

:)
i think i spoilt the whole cheerleader effect.
ednaaaaaaaaaa, 3/2 was awesome :D
ha ha ha.
jovi, we'll miss you terribly when you leave. But hell, every minute spent with you was nothing short of laughter and fun. Sorry for being quite emotional today, but it's hard letting go of someone who means so much to me. You'll be etched in our memories forever, definitely.
because friends stay as friends, no matter how physically far apart they are.

WE DAAAAA BOMB.
we are the champions, no 1 yo!
love love love.

WE MAKE SPASTIC LOOK COOL.

whose idea was it again?! haha.
HAHA LOOK AT CASS!

dana leoooong, annabel & g (:
shoooo, cher, ah hui, lil fart and uh, me.

BOOOOM dynamite.
YES, WE'RE BACK & BETTER THAN BEFORE.

3/3's on fire, and going to explode.

sotong, par & tasneem!
salimah, sally and oli!
the person who invented ice cream is a freaking genius.

awww, we can't get enough of three threeee.

Needless to say, cheerleading rocked. Even though I screwed it up by slipping but anyhow, i had fun. Who said it was all about excecuting the steps perfectly? It's the little flaws, here and there that makes the routine our own, the only and only!

Ah hui & Tess rushed back to run for our class(awww), both of you ran so well! We're so proud of you, really. Thank you for rushing down to the stadium from your match, even though you guys were exhausted after playing, you two didn't even complain and gave it your best shot. For that, i applaud you both.

On a side note, the school should just scrape off mass dance. Nobody does the steps that we're made to learn during pe lessons. To put it bluntly, it was downright stupid and a complete waste of time.

'Twas an interesting day, I must say. And I shall leave this post on a high note.

2007-03-28T02:49:00.000-07:00

seems like everything we ever knew, turned out to be never true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pts-t0mGEYE
Do you want me to have the feelings and look the other way?

I was going through my old computer today, and I found so many old photos! It was great actually, even though I felt extremely nostalgic for a short period of time. I mean, even though I'm not as close to many of the people whom I used to be good friends with, the memory was sweet. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right? I used to believe that it hurt much less if you didn't have to lose something.

After all, why crave for something you have never tasted? But now, I realize that I was terribly wrong. Life is an adventure, why waste it on fear? Why waste it by wasting it away?

SAY HELLOOO TO THE NINE NINNIES!

Cheerleading & Cher make the best cheer-me-up remedy ever.
Tessu is the beszzt listener/advisor.
Shooyin makes me snort in laughter with her hilarious childhood bus-rides.
Ah hui has frequent spasm attacks that inspired me for the role of Boo Radley.
The rachel wong has been smiling alot more these days and provides food, glorious fooood
Denise the sotong hasn't been her usual self, but you know we're all in this together!
LIL FART STILL HAS A GINORMOUS HEAD & is the most fabutastic dance partner ever.
Sha's beauuutiful features make me go green with envy.
Par's laughter makes me wonder whether she's secretly a hyena, and those boobs omg.

I tried my best to let go of you, but i don't want to.

2007-03-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Doulos :(

was one fun ride.

2007-03-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

she dreams of china dolls in paper halls;

What we do during tution (caution: retarded photos screaming nonsense ahead)

Stomp the yard with cherrrrrrrrnise ong!

What can I say, today's was terrific! Even though I had the most violent wake up call ever, studying at 7 on a saturday morning turned out pretty productive. Tution was nuts! Nat was her ever high self and sent these weird egoistic msges to herself. So if my bill explode, credits go to nat the butt.

Stomp the yard was icecream cool. Though it's definitely way below step up's standard. But still, i think it was worth it! And the continuous laughter throughout the movie because of the weird people sitting near us was.. hahahaha. Oh, ah hui called during the movie which resulted in a whisper mumble mumble 'conversation'. Man, today rocked.

2007-03-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

should have stayed long forgotten.

Have you ever had the feeling,

That the world’s gone and left you behind?

Have you ever had the feeling,

That you’re that close to losing your mind.

You look around each corner,

Hoping that she’s there.

You try to play it cool perhaps,

Pretend that you don’t care.

"it was like a dream, it was like.. it never happened"

Life gets better everyday, it's been a long time since life has been this smooth. Sometimes, when everything seems to be messing up, life is actually fixing itself. Isn't it weird? Just when you start to believe that nothing could be worse, it changes. It amazes you- Well, it amazed me. How can things change in such a short amount to time? I suppose only God knows.

All the retardedness, craziness, fooling around, laughing like there's nothing in the world that can bring us down made me treasure my friends alot more. Thanks cher, gnat, shoo, tessa, rach, denise, ah hui, sha & par.. You guys are seriously the bombdiggity of the bombdiggities!

I came home and found a pink envelope on my table, it took a few minutes to register that it was for me. But anyhow, thank you dearie for the letter. It was awfully sweet :) Thank you for making my already fabulous day even more fantastic!

"but this clarity of the dream was deceptive, lending tremendous verisimilitude to what was largely a fabular whole, for in other places this love story was worn nearly transparent.. radiant but oddly featureless, as the lives of people without souls sometimes are."

2007-03-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

Look at this photograph

Every time I do, it makes me laugh

So, today started off brillantly. It was drizzling lightly and it was so.. refreshing. The first lesson of the day was geography where we had to go around the school recording temperatures. Which led us to running in the field, scaring oursleves with 'ghost' stories, swinging and screaming cos the swing was wet, and talking at the foyer which was awesome.

Recess was quite a disappointment. But everything turned out okay in the end. Hung out with the denise, gnat and amelia after school for a while. Haha, our conversation was quite pointless but nevertheless funny. 'tingling sensation' ;)

All in all, today was a good day i suppose. It's quite sad that I have to measure happiness by the day like how someone counts money. It all depends on how you look at it though, right? After all, if you see life negatively, what good will you find? This startling conclusion didn't just appear out of the blue and hit me in the face, it was always there but I was just too caught up to face the fact. I guess it's just harder to put words into action. How easy it is to pretend that you were unaware of these things, then later blame some hidden force for all your misfortune and sadness. How easy it is to pass the burden to someone else.

We must stop taking the easy way out all the time.

But, how do we know which way is the easy way when that is all we look for?

// ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR PEEEANO EXAM, ROCK THE KEYS BABE.

2007-03-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

listen to my voice, it's my greatest disguise;

You said I'm a failure, and that I'm screwing up my miserable excuse of a life. You acted like you have never made a single mistake in your entire life. Well maybe I was your mistake. You accused me of so many things, and you seemed to have forgotten momentarily that I did actually love you, a long time ago. You know what else you said, Mum? You said that I shouldn't make mistakes, and that I'm old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.

Do you even care about anything else except for yourself anymore?

You said the 'doors' are always closed. Closed doors don't open, do they, mum?
Yeah, they don't.

2007-03-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

all i want to do is find a way back to love -music&lyrics

Ah, I'm sorry we couldn't study together today. I really, really wanted to, and I felt so bad leaving you to study by yourself. I love you x1000000000000000000 (infinity lah) sqoh! I seriously don't know what to do without you nowadays 'cos we spend so much time together, it's almost like you are a part of me. I'm sorry when I become impatient with you, or when I'm not as loving as I should be, but honey I wanted you to know that I love you! I love you so damn much.

The past few outings with you have been nothing short of fantastic. The stupid retarded yet hopelessly entertaining videos that we took in marche, haagen daaz dates, clutching you tightly and screaming like nobody's business at the bats den in the night safari, the superb dinner at bongo burgers, making so much noise at the back of the tram, laughing at the hippos, getting mad at the stupid tourist groups who take advantage of the queues.. :)

Music and Lyrics is a really good show, it gets even better with the right company.. But beware of Hugh Grant's booty-shaking antics, they're a major eye-sore.

even if i tried, it wouldn't matter

it takes two hands to clap,

would you stretch your palm out too?

2007-03-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

can you take the pressure, can you take the heat.

3/3'S THE BOMBDIGGITY Y'ALL.

2007-03-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

You walked over my way,

I didn't know what to say.

I think that I love you.

But maybe it's just the fumes.

Angel pumping gas,

Why won't this moment last?

I can't live without you another day

I really need you here with me today.

Isn't it amazing how easily we are able to convince ourselves of something? We remind ourselves of things which perhaps are only half true, and in no time at all we accept it as the whole and honest truth. Like, a crush for example. You are infatuated with someone, but to pretend you aren't you tell yourself that there is nothing remotely attractive about them and, in a way, move on. Today, after a few months of completely banishing her from my mind, she somehow managed to slot her way back in. Ah, it was hard, but it made me realize how long I've been lying to myself. About this, and, about too many other things in my life.

As confusing things are, one thing I'm certain is that i love you. The rest don't matter because as long as there's love, nothing is impossible.. or so it seems.

How can something wrong feel so right?

2007-03-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

sigh.

2007-03-09T05:31:00.000-08:00

Today's the last day of term 1 and boy, am i glad that it's over.

It's been one hell of a term. I'm hoping next term will be much much much better, I'm totally looking forward to midyears.

I JAMMED TODAY YO, like finally after a gazillion days. All the familiar faces, the atmosphere, music banging in my head, the absolutely fantastic company. Thanks guys, I've never felt so at home since.. the last session.

Thanks ryn for hearing me out. We're all in this together, thanks for the reminder (:

You are so beautiful, inside and out, and even if people can't seem to see that, forget it. Like they say, forget the rude remarks, always remember the compliments.
Hard to do, isn't it? If you have something you really want, tell me okay?

As long as it doesn't bite, sting, stab me, burn a hole in my pocket or cause a nuclear war, I'll get it.

We'll be out of this shithole soon enough. For now, stay you.

I love you, from every living, pumping, bloody section of my heart.

if you only knew how much i mean it

2007-03-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

more than meets the eye?

Well honey, if you can't even handle this so called 'screwed up' situation. I really wonder how you're gonna survive in the outside world. If you think i should apologise to you cos your post will make me sympathise with you then i'm sorry, but no. Things don't work this way. At least, for things that concern me.

Yeah maybe i should've just told you straight in the face. Instead of confiding in people who turn their backs against me. It's not that i don't like you really, i just don't get the way you do things. And that really frustrates me cos I never know what your true intentions are. Transparency just doesn't apply to our friendship cos everything i see through is opaque.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much, it probably shows how much you mean to me. Cos hey, if i really hated you and whatnot, I wouldn't even bother typing this.

After all I've said, i guess the main problem lies with me. I've lost the ability to trust after the countless times i've been backstabbed, perhaps this is why it's so difficult for me to trust you, or for anyone in this case. The period when we didn't talk was so hard and it hurt me pretty badly but yeah, that's the price i have to pay for not being able to trust.

Maybe this post isn't that big a deal to you, but i just wanted to clarify this: that i don't hate you and i had/have no intention to hurt you. I just need time to sort out things and well, time heals everything right? Oh, with the help of God of course.

2007-03-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

i like pink cos pink is gay. ahahaha. i learnt a a new word today-spinster. i have made it my long-term goal to not become a spinster because i want to be truly happy on the day of my marriage. that will be the day when i truly know what happiness is. ahhh. hahahha. school was quite alright today, i guess, but legacy was very entertaining. although i did not get what i was bidding for, i know that there will be one day when i will stop having so frequent relapses of emowhoosh periods. they make me wanna break my drum sticks but i know i will get rid of them, someday. (: i am so happy now. LALALA. i think i am on cloud 12. hahhahaha!

2007-02-26T06:35:00.000-08:00

when hope leaves you

I guess today was very uneventful, in a way.

I mean, excitement? Zero. New friends? Zero. Anything remotely dramatic? Zero. Odd, really. Like that song's lyrics, "I wish I never woke up this morning, life was easy when it was boring", I guess it does actually hold some truth in its words. Indeed, life is much easier when it is boring, then again, the term 'boring' gives a whole new meaning to everything. Hmm i guess drama is the essential chilli padi in life, you know to spice it up a little. Despite the hatred, feuds, romances and other mundane things which I experienced during my so-called 'dramatic' period, it was much better than this pathetic life I am currently leading. Pft.

How I envy those who live life to the fullest, it's easier said than done.

I'm not sorry, you shouldn't be either.

2007-02-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

when will you come home?

I miss min, manda, grace. I feel weird without them with me in FL :/ Get well soon grace! I missed you alot in church today. Mmm.

Min has a blog! alovenote.blogspot.com (this is a link since i don't have a specific place for links)

Yeah they talk about her,
She smiles like she's so tough.
She says,
"Hey can you talk a little louder?
I don't think my heart is broken enough."

I hope I don't do something horribly embarrassing tomorrow, like cry. Or over-react.
Or.. Laugh.

2007-02-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

i try, to go on like i never knew you.

DISCLAIMER: This madly gay girl clad in red has access to my blog account. Do not be taken in by her 'guai' looks for her tyrannical nature gets the better of her. However, she has a very good heart and is considerably one of the few people who gives me pretty darn good advice :)

So. If you see a totally random post from out of the blue, you know who's behind it.

2007-02-21T23:21:00.000-08:00

i am feeling gay today. very very gay. hahaha. school was such a drag today because ah hui wasn't there and because i got back all those shitty results. but i will STRIVE TO EXCEL and be DETERMINED to complete my revision earlier so that i will be able to do better next term. (:

anyway these are my post cny resolutions:
1) let ah hui piggyback me(:
2) stop rolling my eyes
3) interact more with the B6 people
4) cut down on my shopping!!

alright. i shall stick to 4 of them first and hopefully i will be able to accomplish them. (:
GO YAN GO!!

2007-02-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

candy canes; they heal your pain

instructor jon and fellow cousteau-ians :D
denise & cher <3

I MISS LAST YEAR TERRIBLY.

I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO BRING BACK ALL THE MEMORIES,

would you?

and when she talks, she talks as if she can handle it.

2007-02-17T05:39:00.000-08:00

blood makes noise;

YO PIMP.

CAUGHT B6 IN ACTION! -badminton bullies beat bosom buddies boobs-
haha i think this pic's cute :)

CNY celebration was highly entertaining. I underestimated the lower sec, they're hilarious! Zeng lao shi's rendition of this ching song was seriously the bomb. You know how helen's beauty and whatnot launched a thousand ships in troy? Zeng lao shi's 'singing' launched a burst of laughing fits among us. One would remember how she went round the classroom and placed static in our ear to shut us up on that fateful day.. and start laughing harder. The funniest part was when the curtains started closing on her in the middle of her song! I almost died laughing man.

After getting over the whole hahaha episode, shoo, cher, denise, nat, rachseah headed to vivo! We saw practically everyone there. Haha it sucks shopping in your uniform, it attracts attention and it's so difficult trying on clothes >:/ But yeah, it turned out pretty productive. My only regret was not buying that pull and bear retro top cos apparently 'you can buy two dresses in bugis street for that amount in bugis streeet!!!!' quoted by denise.

Headed to pp after that where we met the B6 tyrants. (Okay, I'm kidding) First we went to sakae where we saw the I'M OBSESSED WITH DISCIPLINE instructor from obs, i forgot his name. Anyway, he came over to say hi-bye crap and left which was pretty decent of him considering the fact that he annoyed the phst out of me in obs. I ate one pathetic plate cos i'm on a no-dinner diet despite everyone's nice intentions of trying to get me eat by saying(which's technically lying to my face) 'Yan, you're not fat' But hey, I can't lie to myself.

Then, denise&nat left followed by tessa. In the end, only rachwong, ah hui & me were left. We went to swensons where we shared the free firehouse and rach had her fries. Yeah, my diet plans totally went down the drain mmm. Since we were all bored, ah hui suggested playing truth. And in a nutshell, we found out quite a bit about each other. Oh, those two kept laughing at me at the embarrassing heats incident -.- I got so fed-up I left but went back cos i left my phone there. I'm so stupid it's astonishing.

So, we continued our dumb but childishly pleasing game where they forced info out of me. (See, this is why they're tyrants D:<) Strangely, I felt like crying when talking about the heats incident. Memories of min came flooding back as she ran too then I thought of manda and doulos.. That was enough to make me break down but my ego didn't let me cry in front of them. I waited till my mum called to chase me before dashing into a cubicle in the toilet to let everything out. I miss them so badly, sigh.

Mummy noticed my pitiful state and consoled me with retail therapy. She blew 99 bucks over a pair of novo peep-toe shoes just by my mere mention of how cute it is. Of course my mood skyrocketed but I felt really bad for making my mum get me something I wanted on impulse. Oh well, I'll make it up to her.. when i get my first paycheck.

Tomorrow's the first day of CNY, ka ching ka ching

And you say that I hurt you,

in a voice like a prayer,

Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes,

but let’s contrast and compare,

Lift up your shirt,

the wound isn’t there.

2007-02-15T02:11:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry, i'm not perfect.

2007-02-11T01:50:00.000-08:00

what would you do in this Bonnie&Clyde romance?

once in a red cow

marche has the coolest crepes yo.

P I G

just look at the interior design, so cool.

before heading to marche, i had to eat with the cousins at a superyummy dim sum restaurant which was called 'YAN PALACE' Haha aptly named, don't you think ;)

i get 10 bucks for posting this $$$

choc-a-bloc! <3

grace, thankyou for the pink cardboard heart!

one last group shot before selene leaves :'(

I LOVE YOU SELENE, i hope four years just zoom past so you'll be here with us again! take care over in perth, i'll be keeping you in prayer. Have a blessed time over there, bon voyage. i'll miss you so so so so so so so (okay, you get the point) much.

:)

I'LL EDIT THIS WITH A PROPER UPDATE AFTER I COME BACK,
sorry got to rush off!

all in all i fare the same,
wishing on an aeroplane

2007-02-10T07:21:00.000-08:00

what if i wasn't born today?

where would i be, where would i go.

what price would i pay

what would i give

to hear you say

however awful this year might seem

whatever troubles it may bring

i'll be holding your hand

all the way

i'm happy, i really am.

cos i know this couldn't get any worse.

2007-02-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

pose, stare, laugh
look ugly in a photograph.

:) :) :)

I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS FLOATING AND EVERYTHING'S ALL BRIGHT AND DANDY.

How ironic that it just takes one simple thing to change your perspective of everything. And how love can cut you like razorblades and taste like honey the next. Heck it doesn't make sense, but why does it fill me such contentment and joy? No doubt i'll spend my whole life guessing. Your note still lights up a smile on my face, I must have read it about 3080821 times already.

Live for the moment; I'm trying my best to.

2007-02-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

sorry is getting a little worn out;

Sure you thought it was cool

Sure you thought it was funny

Well, nobody laughed but you

I'm laughing so hard

It's breaking my heart

And I've been played the fool

Thank you for throwing my trust relentlessly away,

I'll always remember what you've done for me.

Thank you for laughing when you toyed with my feelings,

I hope you're ecstatic now.

Words can't express my immense gratitude for everything

you've generously heaped on me.

would you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now?

2007-02-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

who knew growing up would be this hard?

Life is always better when you don't expect anything to happen.
Like, if you win the lottery for example. Who could've known, right? Or when you fall in love. It all happens so fast that sometimes you don't even know why or how it happened, you just go with it. Expect the unexpected? Bah. The retard who came up with that should be hung.

The past few days haven't been productive, nerves have been tested and the bitter reality of time is beginning to take it's toll on life's 'sweet' innocence we all found happiness in. Sometimes, only sometimes, I wish that I could turn back the clock and change certain things which would surely have a big impact on my life now. And there goes my head again, drifting among the clouds..

I was once told to live in the moment, but how can I when I know I made a huge mistake?

It's not a day for poetry :(

2007-02-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

but if my heart says i'm sorry, can we leave it as that?

I know we got some history,

We got some issues that we need to solve.

But is it really such a mystery?

It’s just the way that the world evolves.

I beg of your forgiveness,

My heart is ever full of sorrow.

We got to move into the future, maybe,

And think about a new tomorrow.

I need a break.
(we made it to february. time to celebrate! not.)

2007-02-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

look who's growing so olddd now, is that a beard i see?!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DENISE,

who is more affectionately known as blurqueen (:

it says, 'i still love you even though you're such a BALLET FUREEAK.'

2007-02-02T04:20:00.000-08:00

our legacy lives on;

I couldn't help but think back about how fun last year was. Dep was definitely the highlight, friendships were forged and still going strong. Sitting on the bus that was heading towards dbs art centre, I felt totally out of place. Drama club and dep students surrounded vic, cass and me. At that point, we started recalling our experiences from dep last year. How much fun we had, the stress of preparing the fyes, drama fringe performances...

If only.
Ay, why do i even bother hoping for something that would never come to pass.

Anyway, the pickle king was forgettable. The lack of audience etiquette was horrifying, that pretty much spoilt the whole theatre atmosphere.

THANKYOU CHER, RACHEL, AH HUI, SHOO, DENISE, CASS, VIC for brightening my day and being the world's greatest friends (:
cheer up ah hui, you know i love you so.

But you’re a bag of warm fluid

You’re the corpse in the class

You walk so near to your locker

You lay so low in the grass

Did you get that coat from the principal?

Did you get that bruise on the bus?

You should wash your hair more

You should look more like us.

2007-02-01T01:28:00.000-08:00

can you feel her wrenching pain?

can you hear her silent cry?

can you see she's going insane?

can you stop asking why?

Dear friend,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I guess things have changed more than we would have liked them to. I don't know if you remember, but I do. It's hard to forget. I hope you're happy, wherever you are. I'm sorry for not being there for you when it rained, and I wish I never told you to face the lightning alone. I really did love you.

I won't say you never screwed it up 'cos you did, but maybe you finally found some friends who can accept you as you are. You never liked changing for people, but somehow, you seemed to have to do it alot. I guess we all make mistakes.

This letter is a pathetic excuse for me to somehow explain what I did and, for me to, perhaps, convince myself of things that will never be true. You were one of those friends who were impossible to trust & impossible to let go of, whichever came first. I'm sorry (even though we both know sorry will never be enough).

Love, Yan.

;; I thought you were my friend, you were everything it seemed a friend should be. We exchanged letters, had countless sms conversations, hanged out together, exchanged hugs & constantly reassured each other that come what may, we would be there for one another through smiles and storms.

But guess what,
You don't even know me.

Your insantiable desire for gossip disgusts me. Damn yeah, i do bitch from time to time but i don't derive pleasure from knowing all this shit.
How you fill your head with all these rumours that actually satisfies you is astounding.

And it seems,
I don't know you either.

this is the part when the rap breaks down.

2007-01-31T05:14:00.000-08:00

how did we wind up like this?

I see your face with every punch I take,

and every bone I break,

it's all for you.

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

Still I will always fight on for you.

This is so frustrating. I hate the weekday afternoons. They just give you an unnecessary amount of time to think about things, which is the worst possible way to pass the time. And, to add to my annoyance, I haven't even started on my english essay yet.

Ah, i'm getting horrible choc cravings!

Then again, even if I did satisfy them, it would only give me temporary pleasure. Like most things in my life, right now. Temporary pleasure. It seems that's all I'm good for. I have to get out of this place. I need a change. Well, at least the month is ending, right?

New faces, new friends; a new life, maybe. Perhaps it's time to stop destroying and start stepping out of the limelight a little.. If only it were that easy.

After all, as they say,

one who has tasted freedom can never live without it.

2007-01-30T05:25:00.000-08:00

I used to think you were the one,
now i'm sick of thinking anything at all.

This past week has been a roller coaster ride of sorts. I can safely say that life is returning back to normal, because the weeks are beginning to go by quicker than before. Kudos to Ah Hui, who's been hearing me out and giving me all sorts of advice that did help me pull through. Thank you dear, you helped me in more ways than you ever thought you did (:

I was just thinking the other night how strange people are. We put ourselves out for the most unworthy of causes, usually for no good reason at all. We beat ourselves up for not being good enough, when in actual fact we are more amazing than we will ever believe. Maybe we are just too used to running into closed doors. I don't suppose many of us are patient enough to find the time to turn the handle, for as they say, the obvious is usually the most deceiving.

How life contradicts itself is absolutely mind-boggling.

I've been putting this off for so long it's become surreal. I have about 5 draft posts, all of them complete, but none good enough for posting. Either that, or maybe I'm just trying to buy myself more time to find an excuse to never have to feel again. I've found it much easier to be cold and heartless while the rest of the revolves around me. Saves you a lot of heartache, that's for sure (but i think you know that already).

2007-01-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

the skies weren't blue,
and i missed you;

But I saw you walking once

Under powder blue skies

You looked cold still

Your collar was high

And I tried to talk to you

But you walked right by

I don't know which I said then,

"Hello" or "Goodbye"

2007-01-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

all hail the heartbreaker;

CHER, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW.

Today was one of the better days.

I'm hoping with all my heart that it'll stay this way..

For at least, tomorrow.

If I could act like

This was my real life,

And not some cage where

I’ve been placed,

Well then, I could tell you

The truth like I used to

And not be afraid of sounding fake.

Now all anyone’s listening for are the mistakes.

2007-01-27T03:07:00.000-08:00

we used to laugh so hard till it stung
is it wrong to miss being happy?

if i knew you’d forgive me, i’d do anything.

i would throw away all my pride, i would give up every scrap of dignity i have, i would say i was wrong, i would beg on my knees in the middle of a busy road, i would walk across knives, i would cut out my heart, i would kill myself trying

just to get to you.

you're killing me.

2007-01-26T05:06:00.000-08:00

'what in the world is wrong with you, yan'

well, can i ask,
what in the world is right about me then?

So, OBS totally rocked. Though hard times were inevitible, peer encouragement spurred me on. Laughter and fun filled the hours and days that proved challenging but nonetheless enjoyable as we had each other for motivation.
I don't think I had this much fun since... Doulos.

This is definitely the highlight of January, a nice closure to one hell of a month.

Drinking champagne from a paper cup,

Is never quite the same.

And every sip's moving through my eyes,

And up into my brain.

At half past two; about time to leave,

'Cause the DJ's playing rhythm and blues.

A sad-sorry state

to those slammin' grooves,

As I'm waiting around for you.

2007-01-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

well, how do you like me now?

I'm breathing in your skin tonight,

Quiet is my loudest cry.

Wouldn't want to wake those eyes,

The ones that make me melt inside.

It hurts me so to leave you be,

May a sickness come and set me free.

I miss her, I admit it. I miss her so much, and I don't think I'd question my decision twice if someone offered me the chance to do it all over again. Everything's different now, and as much as I try to convince myself it's okay, everyone knows it really isn't.

What I would give for friends I could depend on, because there's really nothing like waking up one day and realising you're utterly alone.

i know i say that i'm just fine,

but really do you think fate was this kind?

I'll be missing you, take care.

2007-01-20T05:10:00.000-08:00

It was strange to talk to her again.

I had forgotten about her, actually. Forgotten how pretty she was; forgotten how popular and how perfect everyone knew her to be; forgotten how she had just stolen your heart with just one look.

I wish I could be like her, you know? Her friendship was a gift, and she knew who wanted it and who didn't. She was never skinny, never drop-dead gorgeous and never critical of anyone. I guess she had it lucky, because she was one of the seniors, and a senior is a senior no matter which school you're in.

I remember hating her because she was so wonderful, and loving her for the exact same reasons.

Am I really such a horrible person? This year started off well, in fact I was actually happy for a while. I suppose it was the calm before my storm. The question is, is right now a repeated calm, and should I be preparing for some kind of storm? I'm so tired of making mistakes and regretting;

I'd like to be able to do something right for once.

'and the way gravity works is brilliant, how time also never stands still. yet dreams know just when to end, don't they.'

2007-01-20T03:51:00.000-08:00

dedicated to manda, may angels lead you in.

Thank you for the laughter and tears in Doulos,

for being such an efficient roomate with your wakeup calls,

for understanding me when everyone thought I was insane,

for sharing and confiding in me,

for taking care of me during the short but memorable two weeks.

Thank you for always smiling, making me laugh, watching 'a walk to remember' with me as we cried(a bit) together, cooking instant noodles for me at your house, washing dishes with me at Godpa's house, for your awesome hugs.

Thank you for being there for me when i needed you, when you helped me resolve the whole SIH dance issue, for believing in me which really helped when i was down and out during the SIH dance pracs, for showering me with outmost care and love as a good friend would, for making a huge difference in my life.

I always knew it would be hard saying goodbye,
and i knew you were going really really soon.

But somehow,
you actually leaving never did sink in. Till now, as reality smacks me right in the face.

I'll never ever forget what you have done for me, for it's far more than anyone could possibly do in these three months or less. maybe this is why goodbye's taking so hard as i'm breaking inside with every word i type

Please take care of yourself, I'll miss you terribly.

Love, Yan.

2007-01-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

I got a flask inside my pocket,

we can share it on the train

And if you promise to stay conscious

I will try and do the same

We might die from medication,

but we sure killed all the pain

But what was normal in the evening

by the morning seems insane

yeah, we all saw it coming.

we shouldn't act like we didn't.

2007-01-19T04:56:00.000-08:00

i loved you, which part do you not understand?

It's a strange feeling when you get to that point in life when,

you know what you are going to do and

you know how it's supposed to be done

yet you feel like it isn't the right thing to do?

Somebody slap me from spacing out, please. It's time I do something productive. To keep me preoccupied and not counting the hours down till my time's up.

she keeps on asking, "do you think it hurts much to die?"

2007-01-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0nRpFI4hvc

OMG, Y'ALL HAVE TO WATCH THIS! It's frickin' sexy.

Well well well, today was such a happy day. Fooling around at the void deck, volleyball during pe, imaginary volleyball, sneaking in the canteen then dashing out once lenny came in, playing stupid childish games all in the name of fun (:

Gosh, today was so fab.

---- on a side note,

Don't blame me for walking away. Don't blame me for moving on when I obviously had nothing left to wait for. How can you even try to blame me for this? Let's just forget for a few minutes that that's all you do, anyway. After all, what makes me special, eh? What makes me different from everyone else? I bet you couldn't answer that if I asked you. So I won't, because a) i'm a coward and b) i'm not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you hurt me.

It was hard learning how not to care but I learnt, especially after being expected to move on way too many times.

After all, what makes you any different from them, eh?
I think what hurts the most is, shunning me then playing mind games that made me believe there was something. Hope kept me going, but here's where it ends. Honestly, it pretty much ended long ago when you left me to drown in my despair.

That's what really makes me regret.

so how do you explain, shadows in the rain?

2007-01-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

Pictures from saturdaaaaay! Stop hounding me already ;)

SEAH (: me, CHER :D love!

Fusion 07 Her voice was mind-blowing! She's sooo talented omg.

Our lost and empty souls item, hahaha. Amos's quite good at picture-taking, surprisingly.

R E M E D Y- we da shiznit!

Ooooh i love the lights :D :D
Jaddy! Haha his hair is milo coolio 8) Fantastic bass playing!

Another one of those angelic voices -swoons-

Now I'm tall..

Now I'm short :(

I didn't get a chance to take a picture with the drummer. sigh, he was awfully good!

YEAH, I'M OKAY NOT EMO. so please stop asking if I'm alright! Hahaha.

It would be pretty gay if I talked about my day, because seriously, who actually bothers to read this things? I mean blogs (in general) are great for a while, but after some time they just get so overrated. Yeah, like we actually care about what happened during your stupid lessons and what your lesbian friend’s mother said about her boobs. Pssht.

Let's hope that tomorrow will be good.

2007-01-13T22:08:00.000-08:00

What's madness but nobility of soul
At odds with circumstances?

To be put it blantly, yesterday's cca promo sucked for me.
The ballet people obviously won't share my bitter sentiments as they were having the time of their lives while the rest useless, pathetic losers screamed at the top of their lungs to promote dance. I was such a hypocrite, handling out flyers with this huge plastic grin plastered on my face and saying, 'Join Daaaance!' Then after talking to Ms Izrina about switching to Drama club. But well, I figured that promoting dance club was a way to test my acting ability. And the result was a distustingly great, I had to lie to all the innocent folks about how their daughter's lives would be enriched when they join dance club. Damn, i think going to heaven will be a harder goal now. Tkg love and all, but i was downright pissed at the bloody unfairness about the whole cca promo arrangement. My apologies if you were one of those unfortunate victims of my dagger eyes. But yeah, that pretty much killed my day.

I headed to suntec with cher for lunch, which ended up pretty okay. Thank goodness I still have cher :) I rushed for prac at suntec convention hall for the dance item. And they pratically changed the whole dance item. But well, it turned up pretty good, YouthAlive was the featured band and they were da bomb! I was all cheered up by then, it felt really good to be in my element. Pictures up next time when I'm not feeling this bummish.

This week has been one of the longer ones I've had to endure. The rain has come continually for the past week, and all sorts of emotions have been felt, regardless of what has happened and what is to come. It's hard getting used to the drastic change, but then again maybe that's just me. Friendships are being tried and tested like there is no tomorrow, and it's energy-draining to the extent of exhaustion. Sometimes I wish I could run away to somewhere better, where everything is simple and straightforward. Then again, what is life without challange? It is but a simple, hollow globe of thought, with nothing to interupt inbetween. Boring? Indeed.

what happened to mutual trust?

2007-01-07T05:28:00.000-08:00

Today wouldn't be right if I didn't type out a sentimental post about how amazing min's farewell lunch outing was. Well to cut it short, it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, the company was great but everything felt.. superficial. Like people were just putting up a front and then backstabbing behind our backs? Excuse me, that's freaking mean not to mention hor ri ble.

The whole plastic issue put aside, I'd say today took a turn to the brighter side. However bad my mood is, ( and trust me, today i felt i-could-just-strangle-her!! bitchy) shopping totally put the :D :D :D on my face. Haha, really!

Grace got a zara offshoulder top. Look who's sexayyye now ;) Manda, Grace, Min & I stopped at coffee bean for awhile. Where they laughed at the purple straw joke again, pft. Haha oh, we camwhored!

Me: I like caramel frap
Grace: I like my handphone better, IT'S FAT FREE.
-.-

Hahaha, i just made up all that.

Min, Manda, Me, Grace! (:

I ruined the picture, totally.

Well, some say life will beat you down.
Break your heart, steal your crown.
So I've started out, for God knows where,
I guess I'll know when I get there.

I'm learning to fly, around the clouds,
But what goes up must come down.

School tmrw. Yay?

2007-01-03T02:14:00.000-08:00

Love
A word
Well known

An end
To a world
Faced alone

LIZZIE; we ridin slow. says: wowzie. that's deep hun

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
what can i say?

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
(DONT REPLY. I AM WRITING SOMETHING SMART)

hey gorgeous, did i mention you're hot? says:
i suppose i am just impertinently perceptive of all things flagrant. who can blame my immense intelligence capacity? i know i can't!

LIZZIE; we ridin slow. says: wahhhhh!

LIZZIE; we ridin slow. says: i don't understand

Hahaha.

First day of school had an air of nostalgia. Looking at the Sec1s this year, I couldn't help but look back, wondering 'Was I this out of place when I stepped into tkgs?' Gleaming white shoes and immaculately groomed lines of sec1s greeted me this morning as i walked in with claire. Yeah I laughed pretty loudly at their pathetic state, guffawed actually. It was that bad. I'm serious! But their faces were enough to choke back my laughter in. Expressionless and bleak, it was as if a torture for them to come to tkg.

I can't really blame them. Tkg is quite screwed up with it's notorious booking system and the lady missy in charge. Mdm Lenny, now how do I even begin to explain her? Her face has 'don't mess with me, punk' scrawled all over it. And gosh, don't you even think of looking at her eye to eye. It makes me squirm everytime i recall the horrifying experience with talking one on one with her.

Haha, I sound I had an awful day at school. Nah it wasn't like horrible, nor was it fantastic. It was ... Survivable. I'm looking forward to school tmrw, however eccentric that sounds.

Well.. coming from a person like me, that is.